Mr. Snow and Mr. Frost
The following is a monologue I wrote and performed a few months ago, to a generally favorable reception. It's somewhat non-partisan believe it or not. Enjoy... maybe.
“Reaching Out.”
A sterilized, under-funded, bleak looking “mess hall” of an insane asylum. Sufficiently self-controlled inmates sit on their chairs, expectantly awaiting someone. Enter Herbert Frost. He ascends to a podium downstage-center.
HERBERT. Good morning everyone. My name is Herbert Frost, and I am a city councilman. As some of you might know, I am currently campaigning for the office of mayor of this great city. Now, I’ve come here in response to a new bill just passed
by the city council (which I supported) that extends our sacred democratic franchise of voting to those members of society who have been declared clinically insane.
Stops a few moments for it to sink in.
Some of you or the voices in your heads might be wondering, “what is he talking about?” or “what is voting?” or even something in your own little made-up language. The fact is, you have all been granted something that millions of other perfectly sane people don’t have, but dearly long for: the right to elect your own government. This is a sacred righ-- a right for which millions have died, a right that is the foundation of our free civilization, and a right of which you should all be very proud.
And so, my friends, I am asking you to exercise your right. I am asking you to vote this Tuesday for me. Why do I want you to vote for me? You may well ask. Well, I want you to choose me not for my benefit, but for your own. I stand by my decade of service as a city councilman when I say that I care about all of this city’s people, sane or no. As mayor I will be committed to your and your city’s welfare, 110%.
Some of you may also know that this is a highly contested election. My principle opponent is the incumbent, Robert Snow. I believe Mr. Snow has mismanaged this city during his four consecutive terms, and I think it’s time for a change. Throughout this campaign, my opponent has leveled an egregious number of personal and slanderous attacks at me, which I would like to address. First of all, he claims that I am speaking to you today because you are the only kind of people who will vote for me. This, in itself, is a preposterous and insensitive assertion, which attempts to minimize your contribution to the democratic process. Secondly, he has exploited to his own ends the fact that I have fathered a child out of wedlock. I say to you truthfully that had it been up to me, that child would never have been born.
However, I would ask you all to look past this barrage of fallacious and contrived hostility, and to look clearly at all candidates in this election, and on Tuesday make the best choice for you, your city, and--
An aid comes up to Herbert and whispers in his ear. The aid leaves. Herbert takes a long look at his audience.
Well folks, I’ve just been informed that the bill granting you the vote has been vetoed. But you know, you people are all insane so… twing-twiddly-ding-dong-derriere…
He laughs at his “clever” joke. The aid comes back and whispers again. Herbert goes deathly pale.
I uh, was not aware that network television was broadcasting this address live... I think I’ve said enough.
^copyright J. Green, 2006^
“Reaching Out.”
A sterilized, under-funded, bleak looking “mess hall” of an insane asylum. Sufficiently self-controlled inmates sit on their chairs, expectantly awaiting someone. Enter Herbert Frost. He ascends to a podium downstage-center.
HERBERT. Good morning everyone. My name is Herbert Frost, and I am a city councilman. As some of you might know, I am currently campaigning for the office of mayor of this great city. Now, I’ve come here in response to a new bill just passed
by the city council (which I supported) that extends our sacred democratic franchise of voting to those members of society who have been declared clinically insane.
Stops a few moments for it to sink in.
Some of you or the voices in your heads might be wondering, “what is he talking about?” or “what is voting?” or even something in your own little made-up language. The fact is, you have all been granted something that millions of other perfectly sane people don’t have, but dearly long for: the right to elect your own government. This is a sacred righ-- a right for which millions have died, a right that is the foundation of our free civilization, and a right of which you should all be very proud.
And so, my friends, I am asking you to exercise your right. I am asking you to vote this Tuesday for me. Why do I want you to vote for me? You may well ask. Well, I want you to choose me not for my benefit, but for your own. I stand by my decade of service as a city councilman when I say that I care about all of this city’s people, sane or no. As mayor I will be committed to your and your city’s welfare, 110%.
Some of you may also know that this is a highly contested election. My principle opponent is the incumbent, Robert Snow. I believe Mr. Snow has mismanaged this city during his four consecutive terms, and I think it’s time for a change. Throughout this campaign, my opponent has leveled an egregious number of personal and slanderous attacks at me, which I would like to address. First of all, he claims that I am speaking to you today because you are the only kind of people who will vote for me. This, in itself, is a preposterous and insensitive assertion, which attempts to minimize your contribution to the democratic process. Secondly, he has exploited to his own ends the fact that I have fathered a child out of wedlock. I say to you truthfully that had it been up to me, that child would never have been born.
However, I would ask you all to look past this barrage of fallacious and contrived hostility, and to look clearly at all candidates in this election, and on Tuesday make the best choice for you, your city, and--
An aid comes up to Herbert and whispers in his ear. The aid leaves. Herbert takes a long look at his audience.
Well folks, I’ve just been informed that the bill granting you the vote has been vetoed. But you know, you people are all insane so… twing-twiddly-ding-dong-derriere…
He laughs at his “clever” joke. The aid comes back and whispers again. Herbert goes deathly pale.
I uh, was not aware that network television was broadcasting this address live... I think I’ve said enough.
^copyright J. Green, 2006^
posted by Chipsen Dipp at
2:14 PM
2 Comments:
They say fact inspires fiction. Nicely written piece but hey, should we poke fun at (rhymes with Push)? We don't want to be included in the Axis of Terror list. Do we?
What's thre presidency coming to? One couldn't fathom leaks of the biological fluid kind and the other can't fathom those of the open microphone kind.
Nice blog. And beautiful post on the Mumbai blasts. You have my respect, mon ami.
Thank you Mr. Titan, for that and for that warm burny substance without which we would all be very cold among other things.
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