Harry Potter Knockoff Parte Deux

During dinner, as always, Dudley had let loose his spoiled personality, and not only yelled abuse at his fool of a father, but also threw a plate of cake at Harry's face just because Harry said something to him that a polite child should not say.

Lying alone in the large tub with the piping hot water flowing over him and his soul calmed, he decided his evening's activity would be to take as long a bath as he wanted. Though usually unwilling to accept anything from the Dursleys, still he had decided to use the adults' bathroom. It was very rare for anyone to enter the crude old man's bathroom. Even his wife and child were not usually allowed in, so the chance of Harry's being disturbed or upset was not very big.

Apparently his uncle let him do this because he was a little embarrassed, Harry thought as he soaked in the tub, repeatedly thinking of how his cousin Dudley had squandered his advantages with his repulsive actions.

Harry had very carefully planned this bath, because before he had gotten up in the middle of the night and run around, and been caught by his Aunt. He could not bear thinking back to the terror of that night, and hoped not to experience it again. The invisibility cloak he naturally could not do without for the purpose of security. Harry also wanted to bring "Introduction to Transformations" so if Dudley blundered into the room he could change into a huge monster and scare Dudley half to death. After thinking for a while he felt pity for the obese pathetic worm, and decided to bring his Marauder's Map instead. The Marauder's Map was scarcely less important than the invisibility cloak. It was the most important tool for Harry to use when he was breaking the school rules. The map would show anyplace Harry thought of, including all the complicated twisting corridors and secret passages from the wars of several decades ago. But the most important thing was that it displayed the names of all the small points representing the locations of all the people in the area. This way, if anyone approached the bathroom Harry could get an early warning.

My New Favorite Book

Harry Potter
and the
Leopard Walk up to Dragon

(The following is a translated excerpt from an unauthorized Chinese sequal to Harry Potter, written in anticipation of the 5th installment [when was that, '04?]. Note the unmistakeably Chinese cultural details and descriptions.)

"Chapter 1: A Sweet and Sour Rainfall

Harry did not know how long this bath would take, when he would finally scrub off that oily, sticky layer of cake icing. For someone who had grown into a cultured, polite young man, a layer of sticky filth really made him feel sick. He lay in the high quality porcelain tub ceaselessly wiping his face. In his thoughts there was nothing but Dudley's fat face, fat as his Aunt Petunia's fat rear end.

Harry was a 5th-year student at Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At that heavenly amusement park his grades were the highest of all the students in his class. Because of this, when summer approached he was named the Head Student in his class. But for some reason Harry did not understand, Professor Dumbledore firmly insisted that his summer practice be at his aunt's house at 4 Privet Drive.

His objections to this were overruled by the Headmaster on the last day before leaving school. Because of this Harry had been unhappy the whole day. 4 Privet Drive to him was his childhood heaven, but also his childhood hell.

His first day back, his cousin Dudley also returned home from school. This was his nightmare. From the depths of his heart he was not willing to pass summer vacation with his fat cousin, but there was absolutely no way to change the fact. At the magic school he was a young celebrity, but at Privet Drive he was still a protected object. [?]"

Big Surprise...

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you've created a world that is all your own. It's very likely that you've either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy. You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society. You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

What Art Movement Are You?

Procrastinosaurus

This slow, ancient herbivorous reptile was capable of sleeping for up to two weeks at a time, awakening itself only to slither its abnormally long tongue in the direction of some food, while forbearing to move a single other unnecessary muscle. The fate of this species was decided relatively early in the Jurassic, when males and females became simply to lazy to mate. Gavrilovich Putitov, the Russian discoverer of this dinosaur, claimed that on sighting the first Procrastinosaur bones he was siezed by an inexorable urge to call it a day and unearth the rest of the beasts tomorrow.

Thank you ill-timed literary inspiration. I am supposed to be finishing a music assignment, in case you were wondering.

Return of the Son of the Long-Winded Traveller

Happy new year everyone. I spent the holidays in Paris. This was mainly an aging-consolation for my father, who approaches his half-century of existence this May. It was quite nice in fact, so I'll get my petty complaints out of the way first.

I found, to my chagrin on TWO occasions, that Parisians do not clean up the merde of their petits chiens, and are apparently not compelled to do so by any municipal legislation. I later learned from observation that most feces were deposited on the far right of the sidewalks (political meanings?), right up against various buildings.



The Mona Lisa is a 3 & 1/2-ring media pop culture circus that perennially degrades the traditions of Western Art.


For the first few days it was bloody cold.

And that's basically it. The rest was transcendant. Some of my highlights include being able to read any sign on which I deigned to glance, the Musee National du Moyen Age (at the Abbee Cluny) with its relics from a time when Western Europe fuddle-duddled in the grip of the wily old Church, the Picasso Museum, and one of the most profoundly spiritual masses I have ever heard, on Christmas Eve at Notre Dame. Listening to the scripture I felt as though God was speaking to me more clearly than ever before in a language that was not my own.


Sugar crepes are sooooo good!